Sunday, January 19, 2014

Ho Ho

Santa came Christmas Eve to the Gligorov house. It was during dinner that we decided Uncle Steve just could not dress up as Santa because Sunny would recognize him. We had a houseguest and his family over for dinner so naturally we asked him to entertain my children. He is German, lives in Switzerland, and it was perfect. He began ringing this small bell outside the house. Calling out "ho ho ho!" Then rang the doorbell and came inside. My kids arms were wrapped around me tight and their eyes were big. When Santa asked if they'd been good, they each nodded their heads vigorously. When he asked if they've been eating healthy, only Sunny was clever enough to lie and nod her head.

There were presents from his sack, and then he left. Present opening continued into the night.

Fast forward to last night. We're hopping around the yard, Christmas day, playing with all the toys Australia has ever produced. Lachlan finds.... Santa's bell. Aw shit. Then he proceeds to make every sound he knows, lots of "me me ho ho ho more more more ho ho!!" I, being his mother who hears this babbling incessantly, knew he was saying, "I want Santa to bring me more presents." I told him sure, next year. He cried. Then he told me again while ringing his bell. I said we had too many presents as it was. He cried again with the bell. Then his Opa came, Jason's dad Spasco, and then this happened:

Spasco took the bell and said he'd fix this as he went to the garage. I knew Santa's costume was in there and had anxiety about whether or not he was going to put the costume on... Steve, Meghan, and the kids and I sat in the yard and forgot about Opa. But then we heard that bell ringing. And someone gruffly shouting "hoy! Hoy hoy hoy! " We looked to see what was going on, the loud bell and HOYs were confusing. Steve shouted, "It's HO! Ho ho ho!" A man appeared in the yard. He was bent over, wearing dark sunglasses and a towel covering the top of his head and shoulders. As he slouched and hobbled across the porch like the hunch back of Notre Dame, we could see he had a grubby sack he drug along. We were essentially looking at Opa's version of Santa, but our version of a bum, perhaps the black sheep in Santa's family. The children were scared. No, scratch that. Sunny was nonplussed. Lachlan was terrified and clung to me. Santa Bum hobbled closer, this time yelling HO HO HO, and reached into the sack. Now remember, Opa did this because Lachlan was upset about no more Santa, no more presents. So he reached into the sack and pulled out 2 coke bottles filled halfway with yellow liquid. Sunny greedily takes the "juice" and drinks it.

This point, Meghan and I are crying we're laughing so hard. We cant even speak. I think Steve is shaking his head, mentions the coke bottles are filled with the bums pee, and I can't even look at Opa I'm laughing so hard. Lachlan does not want the drink.... The story fizzles there. We are just laughing, Opa takes off his getup to show Lachlan it's just him. Sunny gives me the bottle and says it's gross. I tell her we need to talk about taking weird drinks from strangers...

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